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psychology
advice
When you want to help them.
You listened and observed others, saw what you saw, and chose to offer suggestions for change that you decided would be good. It's still critisism if you blame someone for what they have done, no matter how good their intentions were.
Whether that's a bad thing, is for you to decide in the context of the situation.
My argument is that if counsellors told people what to do, they would get sued.
When should you directly criticize someone?
Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People claims that you should avoid direct criticism because 99% of the time people will be defensive and you won't get the reaction you want.
What are some counterexamples? When is it best to give someone direct criticism? (Anecdotal evidence welcome.)
What are some counterexamples? When is it best to give someone direct criticism? (Anecdotal evidence welcome.)
psychologyadvice
tynamite
When you want to help them.
tynamite
Mark
So you're just directly contradicting the book? It's completely wrong?
tynamite
Me
If you cast a light on something that someone does, and offer them a suggestion of how to change their behaviour, you are therefore critisising them by highlighting that what they had done wrong.You listened and observed others, saw what you saw, and chose to offer suggestions for change that you decided would be good. It's still critisism if you blame someone for what they have done, no matter how good their intentions were.
Whether that's a bad thing, is for you to decide in the context of the situation.
tynamite
Michael
The book suggests that the suggestions you're making could be taken the wrong way, and that there are more clever ways to influence someone's thinking that don't involve any apparent criticism, effectively eliminate the chance the other party might be offended, and generally get you the result you originally wanted, instead of battling egos.
tynamite
Me
You mean like what counsellors do? Counsellors actually don't tell what their clients what to do. Instead all they do is ask questions and make mostly affirmative but sometimes clarifying statements.My argument is that if counsellors told people what to do, they would get sued.
tynamite
Michael
True, that does seem to have it's similarities. I would really recommend reading the book, Adisa. Many people swear by it... it almost gives you a tangible sense of power increase, but it's really just pleasant, quick, anecdotes. It verbalizes and affirms many things you may already feel in a clear way.
tynamite
Jane
A lot of people don't criticize with the intent of actually being helpful or caring, though. It's very often a matter of pride or anger. I think people usually respond well to obvious good intentions, which is what Tynamite seems to be promoting.
tynamite
Michael
True, but it ignores the context of the question.
tynamite
Jane
It's a poorly written question with a shallow understanding of the book. Many of the examples of criticism given in the book were by people who weren't really being moved by the spirit of genuine helpfulness. That guy who was tempted to correct a reverend over the correct attribution of a quote was just being a pedantic asshole, for instance.
