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society
understand
Yes. If you can't trust your son to be on FACEBOOK, you definitely should not trust them to be outside by themselves. You're being selfish.
Am I wrong to ask my 13 year-old son to give me his password before allowing him to use Facebook? I write about social media for a living, so I know how utterly cruel the world can be. I also don't want to be a helicopter parent.
My son turned 13 today. He was really looking forward to getting on Facebook—until I told him he couldn't unless I had the password and his father and I friended him, too.
He was appalled and now refuses to use what I consider to be the new telephone. But am I missing something? I write about social media for a living—I know how utterly cruel the world can be. But I also don't want to be a helicopter parent. I do trust him. I just don't trust the world. Am I wrong? Being over protective? I've looked at studies on this and I know 76% of parents monitor their kids' Facebook accounts. And as a social media advocate I even tell people not to let kids online unsupervised—so why do I feel bad?
UPDATE:
I appreciate all of your comments. I really do. Even the ones scolding me for being overprotective. However, I most agree with Heidi McDonald, David S. Rose, and Paula O'Reilly-Green - and you other parents who have experienced or realized the consequences of not parenting, which is what you do when you allow children to engage in any activity unsupervised.
Perhaps I should have added this: Five years ago, my 13-year-old cousin disappeared for 3 weeks with a man she met on a social networking site. Her mother had no idea she was even on it. She returned on her own scarred (and is now a delinquent). She refused to identify the man she ran off with. She has never been the same since. The police said this happens FREQUENTLY. People can be influenced by those they meet online - especially young children.
Of course I trust my son. My intention is not to spy on him. He's a straight A student and is incredibly responsible and has yet to be jaded by the world. Sure, I'd like to keep him that way a little longer. But remember, he just turned 13. Six months ago he was in elementary school. He is not 15. Not 16. Grownups do all kinds of stuff online believing they are in a vacuum -- not realizing their behaviors and their online interactions can haunt them forever (Anthony Weiner sexting scandal). As I said before, I'm a journalist. I write about technology. Just as I am well aware of the benefits social media interaction can bring, I know, too, that not only is there the potential for him to be harmed by interacting with strangers, legally I can be held responsible for any behavior he participates in - including online. After our initial discussions, I told my son he didn't need to give me his password - AND I, with my own account, showed him how privacy settings work, but he insists that he be allowed on the site without friending his parents and be allowed to friend people he hasn't met in person - which at 13 is ABSOLUTELY out of the question. He won't even consider friending me for a six-month trial period.
If the world can potentially see he's on Facebook, why can't his parents?
This is a new wrinkle in parenting - which is why I asked the question and put it on the Parenting board (Quora moved it). I'm all for social media engagement - believe me. But I think children who are still developing their social skills in real life where their parents are present and can guide them, need to have their parents there with them online as well.
It is gratifying to know I'm not the only parent who feels the same way. Thank you!
He was appalled and now refuses to use what I consider to be the new telephone. But am I missing something? I write about social media for a living—I know how utterly cruel the world can be. But I also don't want to be a helicopter parent. I do trust him. I just don't trust the world. Am I wrong? Being over protective? I've looked at studies on this and I know 76% of parents monitor their kids' Facebook accounts. And as a social media advocate I even tell people not to let kids online unsupervised—so why do I feel bad?
UPDATE:
I appreciate all of your comments. I really do. Even the ones scolding me for being overprotective. However, I most agree with Heidi McDonald, David S. Rose, and Paula O'Reilly-Green - and you other parents who have experienced or realized the consequences of not parenting, which is what you do when you allow children to engage in any activity unsupervised.
Perhaps I should have added this: Five years ago, my 13-year-old cousin disappeared for 3 weeks with a man she met on a social networking site. Her mother had no idea she was even on it. She returned on her own scarred (and is now a delinquent). She refused to identify the man she ran off with. She has never been the same since. The police said this happens FREQUENTLY. People can be influenced by those they meet online - especially young children.
Of course I trust my son. My intention is not to spy on him. He's a straight A student and is incredibly responsible and has yet to be jaded by the world. Sure, I'd like to keep him that way a little longer. But remember, he just turned 13. Six months ago he was in elementary school. He is not 15. Not 16. Grownups do all kinds of stuff online believing they are in a vacuum -- not realizing their behaviors and their online interactions can haunt them forever (Anthony Weiner sexting scandal). As I said before, I'm a journalist. I write about technology. Just as I am well aware of the benefits social media interaction can bring, I know, too, that not only is there the potential for him to be harmed by interacting with strangers, legally I can be held responsible for any behavior he participates in - including online. After our initial discussions, I told my son he didn't need to give me his password - AND I, with my own account, showed him how privacy settings work, but he insists that he be allowed on the site without friending his parents and be allowed to friend people he hasn't met in person - which at 13 is ABSOLUTELY out of the question. He won't even consider friending me for a six-month trial period.
If the world can potentially see he's on Facebook, why can't his parents?
This is a new wrinkle in parenting - which is why I asked the question and put it on the Parenting board (Quora moved it). I'm all for social media engagement - believe me. But I think children who are still developing their social skills in real life where their parents are present and can guide them, need to have their parents there with them online as well.
It is gratifying to know I'm not the only parent who feels the same way. Thank you!
societyunderstand
tynamite
Yes. If you can't trust your son to be on FACEBOOK, you definitely should not trust them to be outside by themselves. You're being selfish.
