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Why don't kids like to talk about their day when their parents get home?

It would be useful to differentiate between younger and older kids.
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categorypsychology
typeadvice
a
tynamite
tynamite's avatar Because children have very little autonomy as it is, and the little they have, you parents want to take away from them.

Children live a very sheltered life, where lots of things that they go through, are planned for them. If they don't like the way life is going, they don't have the ability to take breaks or change their lives as easily as adults do. They can't go on holiday or change their career path. They can't volunteer in events or move house.

Despite the freedom of having no responsibilities and expectations that being a child brings, on the other hand they have little autonomy and choice when it comes to deciding what to do, or where their life should turn.

School is typically the only time when a child feels that they truly have some autonomy and choice in their lives. Autonomy gives them the independence to behave how they want amongst peers and be their true selves. And choice gives them a great deal of decisions they can make.

Of course they don't truly have autonomy as schools are restrictive with uniform, and a rigid timetable, but compared to life at home, relatively, the restrictions are virtually off.

School is one of the few places that a child feels free of those restrictions and with a sense of autonomy. By asking your child how their day was like at school, it feels like you're taking their independence away from them. You already know lots about what goes on in your child's life? Why would you want to know any more?

Why can't I have a place of my own where I can freely do things and be myself, and not have my parents that know nearly everything about my life, know what goes on while I'm there? Can't I have one place to call my own?

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tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

This incredibly insightful answer of yours, Adisa Nicholson, should be upvoted by the entire Quora community because it is 100% true.

Thank you so much for reminding us all how little control children have over their lives; I believe it is up to each of us to respect their desires for privacy and autonomy.

I couldn't wait to be an adult for the reasons you describe so well (privacy and autonomy).
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tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

My first 2 answers about parenting on Quora, and you upvote both my answers. Maybe I should answer more of these questions. Also you can follow me.
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tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
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tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

Thanks for your welcome. I'm a web developer so most my answers were on web development and tech companies.
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tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Antariksh

This answer resonates with me quite a lot.

In many cultures, this perceived (and sometimes actual) loss of autonomy goes much beyond childhood, on to when the kid goes to college, and even starts working.

From the parent's side, it is an innocuous question, a need to feel connected. For the child, it feels like interference or an attempt at control.
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tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Alexandra

I also couldn't wait to be an adult, and I would bet an awful lot that 95% of adults who think kids have nothing difficult to deal with or legitimate to complain about would be horrified at the prospect of being treated like a child again.

Children (at least in the U.S.) generally have greater "freedom from" -- freedom from paying bills or having to argue with one's health insurance company or what have you.

But adults have infinitely greater "freedom to" -- even little freedoms like being able to choose to go on a walk when we want to or to tell anyone who nags us to eat spinach to leave us alone dammit (and not getting sent to our rooms for doing so).

I'd never trade back my "freedom to" for "freedom from".

I am not saying that children ought to have the same freedoms as adults (though the freedom scale should clearly be a sliding one from infancy until the age of majority), but I do think it's extremely important for adults to remember how hard childhood can be.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

This incredibly insightful answer of yours, Adisa Nicholson, should be upvoted by the entire Quora community because it is 100% true.

Thank you so much for reminding us all how little control children have over their lives; I believe it is up to each of us to respect their desires for privacy and autonomy.

I couldn't wait to be an adult for the reasons you describe so well (privacy and autonomy).
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

My first 2 answers about parenting on Quora, and you upvote both my answers. Maybe I should answer more of these questions. Also you can follow me.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

My first 2 answers about parenting on Quora, and you upvote both my answers. Maybe I should answer more of these questions. Also you can follow me.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

Thanks for your welcome. I'm a web developer so most my answers were on web development and tech companies.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

My first 2 answers about parenting on Quora, and you upvote both my answers. Maybe I should answer more of these questions. Also you can follow me.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Antariksh

This answer resonates with me quite a lot.

In many cultures, this perceived (and sometimes actual) loss of autonomy goes much beyond childhood, on to when the kid goes to college, and even starts working.

From the parent's side, it is an innocuous question, a need to feel connected. For the child, it feels like interference or an attempt at control.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

My first 2 answers about parenting on Quora, and you upvote both my answers. Maybe I should answer more of these questions. Also you can follow me.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Alexandra

I also couldn't wait to be an adult, and I would bet an awful lot that 95% of adults who think kids have nothing difficult to deal with or legitimate to complain about would be horrified at the prospect of being treated like a child again.

Children (at least in the U.S.) generally have greater "freedom from" -- freedom from paying bills or having to argue with one's health insurance company or what have you.

But adults have infinitely greater "freedom to" -- even little freedoms like being able to choose to go on a walk when we want to or to tell anyone who nags us to eat spinach to leave us alone dammit (and not getting sent to our rooms for doing so).

I'd never trade back my "freedom to" for "freedom from".

I am not saying that children ought to have the same freedoms as adults (though the freedom scale should clearly be a sliding one from infancy until the age of majority), but I do think it's extremely important for adults to remember how hard childhood can be.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Me

My first 2 answers about parenting on Quora, and you upvote both my answers. Maybe I should answer more of these questions. Also you can follow me.
report this post permalink
tynamite
tynamite's avatar

Nan

I always encourage great thinking which is expressed well. Why wouldn't I upvote your answers? You add to Quora's value by providing a unique point of view, well-stated, with good reasoning (and, I would expect, references where needed).

As to following, I ordinarily like to see a body of work before I follow someone. Keep writing and commenting, keep up-voting answers you like, and continue the Quoran tradition of civil exchange of ideas, and you will (I predict) be among the most popular answerers here, if your two answers so far are any indication -- and I believe they are.

Thank you for writing and contributing. Welcome to Quora!
report this post permalink
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