If I help people, how do I make sure that they end up thinking highly of me, rather than end up hating me?

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I don't know, but the people I've helped the most have all ended up getting resentful at me, and hating me in the end (and they forgot what I did for them. Not that they owe me anything - they don't - but it's seriously discouraging when I don't get any appreciation at all). So I've practically stopped helping people except for small favors. And it's sad.

Of course, it's a complicated thing. Because there are people I'm thankful for, too, but I don't express thanks because it's often incredibly awkward (you risk getting BADLY hurt if they don't reply to your "thanks" email/message, or if they send a generic reply of "thanks", and that actually happens pretty often)

social skills

altruism

psychology

advice

tynamite

You should do good things because they're the right thing to do, not because you want regard. If you are doing it for the regard, it's no wonder why this makes you sad.

Hate is an ambiguous word. Hate you for what? Hate you out of jealously as they feel that you're better than them? Hate you for not understanding their plight so they snap at you when you tell them something?

There is something wrong with the way you think. You have skewed and misaligned views of what the word thanks actually means. I'll quote you...

you risk getting BADLY hurt if they don't reply to your "thanks" email/message

Read that sentence aloud. Do you think there is anything wrong with that what you said?

If you send a Thanks email to someone, and they don't reply to it; it is not a sign of them being ungrateful, and it is also not a sign of them hating you. If someone helps you and then you say thanks to them, they have no reason to reciprocate your thanks, as their goodwill gesture was already done when they helped you. They don't have to do a second one. And you've only done your first.

A counsellor would say that you are insecurely attached to people. I'm not sure what this means, so I would have to ask my counsellor friend.