What do you do when you get tired of living? I have more problems than I seem to be able to manage. I lost my will to fight and make things change, because I honestly feel like I can't win this battle.

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I have more problems than I seem to be able to manage. I lost my will to fight and make things change, because I honestly feel like I can't win this battle.

Some days ago, I heard about an experiment that has been done on babies. We would all give them food and the basic needs, but only one baby was spoken to and.. Basically, loved. It is the only baby who survived, all the other let themselves die.
I feel like this. I have the basic requirements, but really, nothing else.

Only last night, I cried. I didn't really know exactly why, but I couldn't stand my life anymore. It was overwhelming. It felt like my entire soul was breaking into pieces. I even thought about killing myself, even if I know I don't have the courage to actually do it. But really, I'm running out of solutions..

suicide

depression

mental health

life

advice

tynamite

It's time for me to share my perspective on things, for when I get sad about life.

There's always someone better off, and there's always someone worse off. But that doesn't make your life any easier. So we can throw that advice out the window.

Everyone has problems in their lives, but we all don't like to share it. We all think that everyone else's life is perfect, because of what they show and because the good is all they talk about. There's probrably people around you who have a life that is just like yours, but that you just don't know about it. I'm sure there's people here who you read their answers and think, "Isn't their life so great?", and then you read something of theirs and find out that they've gone through one of the things that you have. Life is disdained to your familiar people like that.

This reminds me of when I was in the sixth form common room in the computer section chilling with friends, while kids were outside in the playground. I looked out and I saw my friend who walked out the school building, sat on the grass facing the empty space, with her school bag on the grass, and she took out an excercise book and started writing her school work in it. She was there for a couple of minutes, while I was staring out the window on the computers, with my friends around me.

It was a profound moment, even observing the situation. There was a girl on the playground in the midst of people outside playing, chatting, having fun, living their childhood; and there was one girl who was doing school work. I thought about what it would be like for my observations, if it was a different girl sat there instead. I was staring out the window so much transfixed. If she wasn't my friend, I would think she was lonely and sad. It's amazing how her being my friend, can change my perspective on things.

I could have never of done what she done. I would have been too embarrassed, uncomfortable, scared, and internally scrutinised. I had a think about whether there were other things I was too scared to do, because my attitudes had a stranglehold of me, to the extent that I couldn't let go from outside influence. Maybe I attached too much personal stigma onto things. I needed to learn how to free myself from behavioural obstacles, and be free.

Eventually her friend came out of the school building, and sat by her approaching her with short icebreaker questions about what she was doing. When she had done her work, which was shortly afterwards after her friend came out, she packed her stuff away in her bag, and went along to converse with the rest of the kids, among her friends.

I then thought about what would of happened if nobody had approached her, while she sat down to do her work. I thought about how drastically sad that would have been, and how much sorrow I would have felt. It wasn't her time to do work at 12pm-1pm on a weekday. She had to experience her childhood, or what was left of it. She has to know what it means to experience her time period, whatever time period that may be.

I thought about me, and then I thought about her. Maybe I need to adopt her attitude to life.

If people aren't going to caste a light on me, I need to caste it myself.

She didn't care that she was out on the playground writing in an excercise book by herself. She didn't care what people think of her, and she definately didn't care about how lacking or worthless it made her.

I know it sounds crazy, and it's hard at times, but I get myself through the dark patches of my life, by casting a light on myself. If nobody else is going to do it for me, I have to do it myself. I know it's hard, but I know that I'll thank myself for it in the end. Everything is eventual.

If I continue to be an opportunist, who does everything they do to influence others; I know that some day things will get better, and that I'll be happy in my life, because I have hope for the future. It's very hard not to adopt a defeatist attitude in times of hardship, but the future comes sooner than I know it.

Thanks to the way I behave to improve my life, I know that I have something I can look back on, to at least say that things are getting better. All I need to do now is adopt her attitude, and I'll be on my way to making progress much longer.

That, and I follow optimistic positive people on Twitter, who find happiness in the smallest things like little kids, such as ice cream with sprinkles, who don't get merose or dwell when the bus comes late when it's raining.